To say that I am disgusted by the letter to the family of the 13 year old autistic child is an understatement, the letter has made headlines and is circulating all over social media people are outraged and are showing their support for this poor family, A community is taking a stand and world wide we are showing our support and saying ignorance is no excuse for this type of behaviour, the hateful things that were written by an individual that choose to remain anonymous a cowardly act on their part as they can not be held accountable for the evil that they spewed, they have the nerve to write a heart breaking letter to a family that already has to deal with so much but not the nerve to admit to the hatred that they wrote, showing on some level that they knew what they were doing was wrong. It is no secret that i am the mother to two boys on the spectrum and most likely my daughter as well in fact our entire house is pretty much ausome ( a term i picked up over at This Ausome Family's facebook page :-) It is also no secret that i feel very strongly about the rights of each and every child on or off the spectrum , I am a mother warrior who fights the system for services, who spends so many hours working on therapy, who helps to set up events and would help another mother out in a heart beat wether that be with advice, a shoulder to cry on and vent to or watching their kids so they can have a much needed night out , I am a mother who deals with medical complexities and who loves my children more then words regardless of diagnosis, I am sleep deprived, and worry over things that parents of normal children never have to even consider, will my child be able to live on their own, will they ever be able to communicate their needs, I worry about safety on a whole new level, not just if they are going to fall and skin their knees or have a fight with their little friends, but whether or not they will wander off never to come home again (yes this is a real and very scary reality for us) will they even have friends. As the parent of a special needs child your role as caregiver, protector and role model is so much more involved then with a "normal" - (I really hate that term) child, but it can also be so much more rewarding, Watching as your child completes a task that comes so easy to others, or hearing their little voice when they say a word for the first time after years of nothing can melt any ones heart even the meanest of mean,
I took a few days to respond to the letter because i needed to come to terms in my own mind with the horrific act and the fact that another individual could be so heartless as to knowingly hurt another person and as horrible as this is i am hoping that it will raise awareness for the families of special needs children, because this is not an isolated incident it is a horrific event that i would not wish on anyone but it is not isolated it may be the first time someone has had the nerve to write it down into a letter to the family and it is by far the meanest things i have ever heard, but families of special needs children are faced with ignorance and cruelty all the time.
Some of you may remember the incident i had at the park a few months back and for those that do not know a situation happened that upset me and made my heart hurt. I was not ready to write about it then but feel strongly that our experience needs to be shared, the family of this 13 year old boy needs to know they are not alone and maybe together we can open the public,s eyes to the cruelty that happens to so many families with special needs children, the rude comments, nasty looks and comments muttered behind our backs. We had gone to the park and my autistic boy got very excited because there were other little boys there and he started to stim, first off i take my kids out for walks and to the park all the time in our area, the sighting of another mommy is rare and they are few and far between to see other mommy's at the park is not common, however on this day there was a large group of these elusive mommy's and they had gathered around a picnic table and were loudly chatting and laughing while their kids were running and playing, I pushed my stroller over to a shaded tree near by and sat down to watch as my son went off to happily bounce and play. It was not long and my son got very excited at all of the other kids running around him, he started to spin and bounce all at the same time, while doing this loud laughing squeal, he was not hurting anyone he was not touching another child he was watching them and having fun, he was happy, but then another child bumped into him one of the moments that i dread as an autism mommy and more so recently because he has started self injurious behaviour and the slightest thing can put him into melt down, and as if right on cue he dropped and slammed his head onto the thankfully padded ground ( got to love that recycled tire squishy stuff) as i was trying to calm my son down, one of the moms called the other kids over and i overheard her telling them to stay away from my son because there was something wrong with him, after calming my son down i went over to explain that my son has autism and that because he was bumped he had a sensory reaction, as i was walking away i overheard another one of the moms mumble to the group "oh he's special all right"
I was so hurt and devastated that i could not even form words i grabbed my son and left and i bawled the entire way home, how dare these women say something like that, in an age where there is campaigning about bullying, where we have fought so hard for inclusion and equality, not to mention the fact that they were talking about a three year old child, a child a beautiful happy little boy, how do you sleep at night knowing that you made a mother cry does it make you feel good about yourself to make a snide comment about a child, did you enjoy the giggles you got from your friends when you made such a horrible and mean comment, did it make you feel good to see me leave the park crying because of your cruelness. I could never say something as cruel as what you said, and i would never intentionally hurt someone the way that you did, sure you probably did not intend for me to hear your comment but i did and it hurt
It hurts that first off people could be so mean as to say things like this and that they have passed judgement on our child before even getting to know them, but more then that it hurts that as a role model to your own child you have just shown them that it is OK to say things like this, how can we as a society say to our kids to be kind to one another to except each others differences when as adults we are showing them that it is OK to act like that, we are with our own actions completely sabotaging our efforts to stop bullying, to stop the negative views of those with special needs and to be respectful to others. I am not delusional to think that everyone should love one another that is not reality, there will be people that we don't like, that rub us the wrong way or that for what ever reason we just don't get along with, but we need to learn to respect each other to stop passing judgement on others and looking at each other with condescending stares.
We need to think before we speak, think of the child you have just insulted, the mother who's heart is breaking, and of your own children who you have just taught through your own actions that it is OK to be cruel to others. We seem to have forgotten the golden rule "if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all" If you do not agree with someones views or opinions pass it by, Before you make that mean or rude comment think it through, would you want someone to say it to you, is it going to hurt someone, is it worth saying or just nonsense, are you talking to make a point or add value to a conversation or are you talking to add drama and start a fight.
Our actions speak much louder then our words ever can, teach our children how to be kind to others by being kind yourself, show them acceptance by accepting others, earn there respect by respecting others and respecting yourself enough to not drop to that level and exhibit that kind of behaviour.
We may be a group of tough skinned autism momma's but we still have feelings and can still be hurt, As i walked home that day i had a half dozen great comebacks go through my mind that i wished i had said, but the sad truth is even if i had said them it may have made me feel better but it would not have addressed the bigger issue, as a whole society needs to learn to respect each other and we need to learn the forgotten art of manors, you don't have to like me or my kids but at least show me some respect, be classy enough to keep your mean comments to yourself and to not have a laugh at a child's expense, and be brave enough to speak up when someone else says something and tell them it is not OK. I am just another autism mommy hoping that out of this devastating act that happened to this poor family we can unite to show the world that this is not OK, that we can educate the world to the very real cruelties that happen every day to special needs children and families around the world.
As a mother i want to teach my children to be kind, to be thoughtful and respectful of others feelings, i want them to know that a little kindness goes a long way, and that being nice is still the right thing.
That's me for today done venting and moving on with life one puzzle piece at a time.
Jessica Kewley
